It is another grey and rainy Monday during those seemingly endless months of winter in Berlin. The cold weather one endures here for about half a year is one with almost no sunshine, an often very humid air and an at times ferocious wind blowing from the east, a combination that seeps into your very bones. It is altogether unpleasant, especially if, like me, you feel made for more southern regions – for life on the Mediterranean coast. For wearing light clothing, sandals and sunglasses. I really do not mind heat, not the least. I love it when a strong sun shines down on me until my whole body feels as hot as a mug of freshly brewed coffee. But I really do mind the pervading chilliness and cloudy skies of Berlin, the brusque treatment one gets here, in many ways – including how people at times talk to one another and handle the unavoidable fate of not being completely alone with themselves under the clouds of depression, but living with millions of fellow sufferers, one as stressed out, as tired, as overwhelmed, as fretful and moody as the next one, everyone impacted daily by the constant sight of the city’s ugliness, its sticky air and vile-smelling streets, its poverty and homeless beggars, its level of alchoholism and of 24/7 hedonistic spirals of self-pleasuring, which has gained Berlin the reputation of Europe‘s “partying metropolis“. But then again, if you just live here long enough, in the Babylon alloted to you, in the Ninive that held you back from landing on the beautiful shores of Tarshish, you do discover people‘s hearts. And you get to know these hearts of Berlin‘s original and home-grown bakery shop assistants, janitors and notorious subway newspaper men – you get a glimpse into their childish core and into the last twinklings of hopeful innocence in the corners of their eyes… Berlin is a city of abandoned street children – lacking parents all their lives, trained in shrewd survival tactics.
We wait, we long, we pant for the first rays of sunlight. And how often do we long for something soft, and meek, and pleasant, and heart-warming here… for children smiling instead of screaming helplessly or sulking sniffily, and for good demeanor, kindly manners, tactful and gracious speech.
Where should one go on of those winter days? It is best to stay home with hot beverages and a book. The good and gentle bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales, wrote down all sorts of practical advice for “Philothea“, the friend of God living in the world, concerning not only the inner realities of our hearts, but also the outer of our deeds, actions, and habits. Of course, this is the twofold blossom of all virtue: a thoroughly cultivated and persevering disposition of the heart, and a prompt readiness of the whole body to flesh it out at the command of heart and reason in ways appropriate to each and every new situation one encounters.
In Babylon, in Ninive our hearts are prone to become darkened dens and hardened stones. But of course, it is never just our surroundings. At times we do have to face the truth about ourselves: we may be the spiritual relatives of Jonas, the Hebrew, but the Ninivites are more ready to repent than we are.
So then, words to all of us who are misers with gentleness in an unfriendly world, thinking to keep the rare rags of silk to ourselves instead of weaving them into the fabric of the collective air surrounding us, and so willing to utter nothing but a single line verdict like Jonas did:
“no one ever lost anything by generosity, honor, and courtesy, which are the fruits of a noble, upright, straigtforward heart. Frequently, therefore, examine your heart, whether it is so disposed towards your neighbor, as you would have his disposed towards you, were you to change places; for this is the true test.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 226
Today, we will get to know Saint Francis de Sales‘ counsel on matters of conversation and speech. Before we dive into it, we may remember these words of Christ that surely have a sobering effect on everyone who ever utters words, whether in speech or writing.
“O generation of vipers, how can you speak good things, whereas you are evil? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of a good treasure bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of an evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall render an account for it in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.“
Matthew 12: 34-37
Saint Francis de Sales will teach us first and foremost, which manners of speech we must avoid, so that we may not be part of the harmful disease ourselves, infected and infecting others, so that we may not be “vipers“ with poison on our tongue, and then he will give us hints on the healthful spirit in which we should interact with others.
According to this stern warning by Saint James the Apostle, our words are one of the ways in which the religion we truly follow shows itself before men:
“And if any man think himself to be religious, not bridling his tongue, but deceiving his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.“
James 1: 26
Let us tame our tongue and utter nothing impure or unclean
“St. James says, ‘if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man. He is able also with a bridle to lead about the whole body.‘ (James 3: 2). Beware of ever using any impure expressions, for even if you have no bad intention, those who hear you may receive them differently. Impure words fall on a weak heart like oil on cloth, spreading all around, and may fill it with evil thoughts and defile it. As bodily poison enters in by the mouth, so that of the heart enters by the ear, and the tongue that utters it is a murderer; even if the venom does not take effect owing to the heart being furnished with an antidote, still the malice of the tongue is the same. (…) Even if we intended no harm, the Evil One did, and he is sure to use our lawless words as a weapon against the heart of someone. It is said that they who eat the plant called Angelica always have a sweet, pleasant breath; and those whose hearts are full of modesty and purity (which is heavenly virtue) are always pure, modest, and courteous in their language. As to unholy, indecent things the Apostle will not so much as have them named among us, telling us that ‘evil communications corrupt good manners.‘ If unholy words are used secretly and with deliberate intention, they are infinitely more poisonous; for just as in proportion to its sharpness and point a dart enters easily into the body, so the more pointed a bad word, the further it penetrates the heart. Those who fancy that it is clever to introduce such things in society, do not know its aim, which should be like that of a hive of bees, gathered together to make honey, that is for pleasant and virtuous intercourse; and not like a nest of wasps which will feed upon anything however unclean.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 201-202
Let us tame our tongue and never contribute to mockery
“A spirit of mockery is one of the worst imperfections of the mind, and displeases God greatly, so that He has often punished it most severely. Nothing is more hurtful to charity, and still more to devotion, than contempt and derision of our neighbor, and such is inevitably found in mockery. For this reason it has been said that mockery is the greatest insult a man can offer his neighbor, inasmuch as in other offenses he does not altogether cease to respect the person whom he offends, but in this he despises and contemns him.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 202
Let us tame our tongue and never judge others
“‘Judge not, that ye be not judged,‘ were our Saviour‘s words; ‘Condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned‘; and St. Paul says, ‘Judge not before the time until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts.‘ (1 Cor 4: 5). Rash judgments are most displeasing to God, and the judgments of men are rash, because men are not one another‘s judges, but therein usurp the office of Our Lord. They are rash also, inasmuch as the chief guilt of sin depends upon the intention and thought of the heart, which is as the hidden things of darkness to us; and they are rash because everyone has enough to do in judging himself, without presuming to judge his neighbor. (…) Charity is the great cure of all evils, but of this above all. All things look yellow to him who has the jaundice. It is said that the cure for this complaint must be applied to the soles of the feet. Now this sin of rash judgment is a spiritual jaundice, which makes all things appear evil in the eyes of him who labors under it; and he who would be healed, must apply the remedy not to his eyes, that is his intellect, but to his affections, which are as the feet of his soul. If your heart is gentle, your judgment will be gentle; if it is charitable, your judgment will be so too.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 204-205
Saint Francis de Sales gives us further more detailed advice on how we can avoid slipping into uttering any of these judgments about our neighbor, which are an offense to God, the one Judge of the living and the dead, and a breach of charity. We should:
“always judge as favorably as possible of our neighbor, and if an action bears a hundred interpretations, we must adopt only the worthiest.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 226
We should then not seek to find fault with our neighbor‘s actions, but rather presume the best of him. Isn‘t that a challenging call? Are we not all very quick to impute certain motives to another one‘s actions – and most of the time evil ones? Furthermore, our saint writes:
“The just man, when he can find no excuse for the action or intention of one whom hitherto he has esteemed, still refuses to condemn him, but rather leaves the judgment to God.
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 226
Our crucified Saviour, being unable to excuse the sin of those who crucified Him, at least lessened the intensity by asserting their ignorance. (Luke 23: 34). If we cannot excuse sin, at least let us bespeak compassion for it attributing it to the least aggravated cause that we can, as to ignorance or infirmity.
Are we then never to judge our neighbor? No, never, for it is God who judges criminals when brought to justice. It is true that He makes use of the voice of magistrates as His channel; they are His interpreters, and should judge only according to His judgments, as being His oracles; but if they give judgment according to their own passions, then indeed they judge, and will themselves be judged, since it is forbidden to men, as men, to judge one another.“
And while the Magisterium of the Church of Christ throughout its history has judged in matters of doctrine, anathemizing errors and excommunicating heretics, the Church has never proclaimed that a certain man is now confined to hell on account of his sins and will never make such proclamations, as such a judgment would be highly impious and presumptuos, but instead warns all of us of the real possibility of a fire ever burning with the violent flame which our own unrepentant sinfulness has enkindled. As Christ Himself warns us with these words recorded in the gospel of Saint Matthew:
“You have heard that it was said to them of old: Thou shalt not kill. And whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you, that whosoever is angry with his brother, shall be in danger of the judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council. And whosoever shall say, Thou Fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.“
Matthew 5: 21-22
Our words are powerful and we must watch them closely in all respects. Of this, Saint James the Apostle reminds us repeatedly in his letter “to the twelve tribes in the Diaspora“ contained in Sacred Scripture:
“And let every man be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger. For the anger of man worketh not the justice of God. Wherefore casting away all uncleanness, and abundance of naughtiness, with meekness receive the ingrafted word, which is able to save your souls.“
James 1: 19-21
“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is placed among our members, which defileth the whole body, and inflameth the wheel of our nativity, being set on fire by hell. (…) But the tongue no man can tame, an unquiet evil, full of deadly poison. By it we bless God and the Father: and by it we curse men, who are made after the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.“
James 3: 6-10
Let us tame our tongue and never slander anyone
“Rash judgments lead to disquiet, contempt for others, pride and self-complacency, and a hundred other evils, amongst which slander stands prominent, the very pest of society. (…) Slander is a kind of murder, for we have three lives – the spiritual life, which consists of the grace of God, the corporal life, which is in the soul, and the civil life, which consists of our reputations. (…) I beseech you, therefore, never to speak ill of anyone, either directly or indirectly. Beware of falsely imputing crimes and sins to your neighbor, of disclosing his secret faults, of exaggerating those which are obvious, of interpreting good actions ill, of denying the good which you know to be in any, or of maliciously concealing it or lessening it, for all these things grievously offend God (…). (…) The proud Pharisee esteemed the publican as a great sinner, as unjust, an adulterer or extortioner; but he was strangely mistaken, for at that very time the publican was justified. Surely if God‘s goodness is so great that in one instant we can obtain pardon and grace, how can we tell that he who was a sinner yesterday is the same today? (…) Thus we can never pronounce a man to be wicked without danger of falsehood. (…) When you hear ill of anyone, refute the accusation if you can in justice do so; if not, apologize for the accused on account of his intentions; and if even that fails, deal compassionately with him, remembering yourself and calling to the mind of others that those who are preserved from sin owe it only to the grace of God; and thus gently check the conversation, and if you can, mention something else favorable to the accused.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 208-211
Yet, Saint Francis de Sales also gives us little warnings, that in our attempt to avoid slandering anyone we may not come to start naming good what is evil.
“But whilst you give good heed to speak no evil concerning your neighbor, beware of falling into the opposite extreme, as some do, who seeking to avoid slander, praise vice. (…)
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 210-211
We may speak freely of notorious and infamous sinners, but still with charity and compassion, avoiding arrogance and presumption, and not rejoicing in another‘s ill, which is the sure sign of an evil, cruel heart. Of the enemies of God and His Church we must needs speak openly, since in charity we are bound to give the alarm whenever the wolf is found amongst the sheep.“
Let us tame our tongue and conduct ourselves in our speech altogether pure, clear and peacable concerning all matters
“Let your speech be gentle, frank, sincere, clear, simple, and truthful. Avoid all duplicity, artifice, and affectation (…) Never permit yourself to tell a lie in the way of exuse or otherwise, remembering that God is a God of truth. (…) Wordly prudence and carnal wisdom appertain to the children of this world, but the children of God go on in a straigthforward course, and their hearts are steady and confident. Lying, duplicity, and dissimulation are the sure signs of a low, groveling mind. (…) The royal St. Louis gave it as a counsel never to contradict anyone, unless there was some harm or sin in consenting; and thus to avoid altercation and dispute. But when it is necessary to contradict some one, or give an opposite opinion, it should be done gently and skillfully, so as not to irritate our neighbors; and besides, we gain nothing by lack of mildness.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 212-213
We are thus called to be peacemakers in all truth, and not nit-picky and overzealous debaters. Saint Paul writes in his letter to Saint Titus, that we ought to:
“speak evil of no man, not to be litigious, but gentle: shewing all mildness towards all men. (…)“
Titus 3: 2
and that we should:
„avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law. For they are unprofitable and vain. A man that is a heretic, after the first and second admonition, avoid.“
Titus 3: 9-10
While being ready to answer every question pertaining to the holy faith, we should do so “with modesty and fear, having a good conscience“, we are taught by Saint Peter (1 Peter 3: 15-16), and Saint Paul summons us to practice a manner of speech in these things that is “always in grace seasoned with salt“ (Colossians 4: 6).
“(…) this holy work must be done softly and meekly; not as a matter of teaching, but naturally; for it is wonderful how gentleness and a prepossessing manner tend to attract and win the hearts of men.“
Saint Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life, TAN Classics, p. 200
Finally, may Saint James remind us of the distinctive marks of all wisdom that comes from above:
“Who is a wise man, and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew, by a good conversation, his work in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter zeal, and there be contentions in your hearts; glory not, and be not liars against the truth. For this is not wisdom, descending from above: but earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and contention is, there is inconstancy, and every evil work. But the wisdom, that is from above, first indeed is chaste, then peaceable, modest, easy to be persuaded, consenting to the good, full of mercy and good fruits, without judging, without dissimulation. And the fruit of justice is sown in peace, to them that make peace.“
James 3: 13-18
Thinking and speaking well of others – a counter-cultural habit
A few hours ago I closed Saint Francis de Sales‘ book for today and left the house – facing the cold breeze and bumping into the crowds of my Ninive… I met a friend from Israel for coffee who said “People are not friendly here, are they?“ – and I replied: „Ah, you noticed it?“
“And because iniquity hath abounded, the charity of many shall grow cold.“
Matthew 24: 12
“Know also this, that, in the last days, shall come dangerous times. Men shall be lovers of themselves, covetous, haughty, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, wicked, without affection, without peace, slanderers, incontinent, unmerciful, without kindness, traitors, stubborn, puffed up, and lovers of pleasures more than of God: Having an appearance indeed of godliness, but denying the power thereof. Now these avoid.“
2 Timothy 3: 1-5
While we were listening to Christ, the Apostles and Saint Francis de Sales, we might have noticed how positively deviant it would be in the climate of our current culture to listen more than we speak, to strive to think and speak well of others on all occassions and to conduct our speech with all benovelance and courtesy, reverently taking care to not foster this pride in ourselves and others that is the thick and heavy root of manifold vices. We live in a day and age losing or even despising discretion, wholesome silence, and reverence for all things sacred.
All of us can publish their own articles on a blogsite or comment on all matters both important and trifling on their twitter account. Due to the fast and frightening unraveling of the once Judeo-Christian fabric of our Western societies, we live in a time of increasing controversies and of an agitated and often unprofitable hyper-publicity, where each and every side and party of the public discourse is very tempted to degenerate into angry derision and a style of argumentation bereft of all reason, appealing only to people‘s immediate impulses and emotions. And we tend to find dingy pleasure in spiralling within the hellishly closed off echo-chambers of our own opinions. Our society prides itself on the principle of “tolerance“ and yet has started to develop into a giant kindergarten where in the end only those are tolerable, who will play the game according to the rules I set forth and wish to impose on everyone with either bullying or whining, a society of two-year-olds unable to bear with one another. In truth, real “tolerance“ is nothing else but charity, the sort of charity, that is a bond strong enough to carry the burden of another one‘s peculiarilities, and that is a virtue only grown-ups can cultivate and of which we have grown cold of – the ability to wish good onto others, to bless and not curse, to put ourselves in their shoes, and to fully respect them both as men and women made in the image of God and as poor sinners with a thousand faults and flaws in desperate need of the light of truth that is not of this world.
Of course, this call to a benevolent spirit in communication applies not only to those who transmit messages but also to those who receive them: It is not only crucial with what kind of tongue we speak, but also with what kind of ear we listen. Today, it happens way too often, that someone is saying something in all sincerity and good will, but the readers or listeners of his words read all sorts of offensive things into them which were never said and never meant. It might be one more sign of the slow death of reason in our current culture, of the loss of the ability to judge impartially and only in view of the substance of the matter itself. Frankly, I am quite convinced that all these phenomena are the sure marks of a re-paganized society: the reign of social, economic and cultural tribes and clans at war with one another and so imbued with unbridled passions, that ears are always itching to hear what they want to hear, unable to listen to what was truly said with openness, with a noble freedom of mind.
“For there shall be a time, when they will not endure sound doctrine; but, according to their own desires, they will heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears: And will indeed turn away their hearing from the truth, but will be turned unto fables.“
2 Timothy 4: 3-4
May we therefore all quickly repent and amend our ways, whenever we should find ourselves failing in the right conduct of speech – and whenever we should have a hard time listening. Whosoever of us lost and wandering street children of Ninive wants to learn “how to distinguish between their right hand and their left“ (Jonas 4:11) – learn it from Saint Francis de Sales or from any of his saintly brothers gifted with wisdom from above – needs to be willing to do as the king of Ninive once did: after listening to Jonas’ prophecy, he
“rose up out of his throne, and cast away his robe from him, and was clothed with sackcloth, and sat in ashes.“
Jonas 3: 6
Saint Francis de Sales, pray for us!